We Enjoyed This... and We Hope You Do Too...

Every so often we come across something on the internet that really tickles our fancy. Sometimes we come across things that let us know that the human race is on the track to becoming something that we think is really positive for the future. And sometimes we come across both. This chick is letting us know how great her tits are. Frankly we agree. But even more frankly, we'd have a hell of a time disagreeing that we didn't like most chicks' tits... even if we didn't. So grab yourself a green tea and pashmina and enjoy the greatness of this chicks' tits. Watch it over and over, even if you become cross-eyed like we have. The best part about that, is that it's twice as many tits as before. And if you're reading this blog, it's probably the first pair of tits you haven't paid to see since your mother stopped breast-feeding you. God bless.

I Like Big Butts, and I Cannot Lie...

Here's another link exposing us to what's really going on in America today. Uhm...my first question is this: If you're going to get surgery anyways, why not spend that ass-implant money on that train-wreck you call a face. How cruel to be born with both fetal-alcohol syndrome and Down's syndrome. Geeez. But, she had obviously come to terms with her gargoyle mask, and decided that it was ass-implants that would really change her life around. It says a lot about the kind of man that she's trying to attract: a lot of gawdy jewelery; only "hits it" from behind; has five other girlfriends, of whom he rotates living arrangements with daily. Yep, you guessed it: her baby's daddy. She can't bare to be without him, and she wants to rekindle that spark that first lead to her allowing him to enter her "raw dog." It's so romantic. But unfortunately, the plan back fired, and her ass is now as droopy as her worn out breasts, and her horrific personality. Love can be tragic. It's like a modern day Shakespeare tale, really. Me thinks thou true issues not be thine posterior, me lady.

Destiny's She-Beast

Follow the link. Yea...wow. Y'know, I remember when Beyonce Knowles was the epitome of a good southern daughter: she went to church; she was polite and modest; she had the body and spirit of a wholesome girl, well fed on mom's home cooking. In fact, I remember the first Destiny's Child video, "No, No, No" (which is exactly what we say when we see her new videos now). She was so innocent then. But it appears that the metamorphosis is complete. Beyonce is no longer of this world; she has ascended into the realm of Diva-Goddesses, a land inhabited by robot-like bitches, whose blind spots have become so big, that they wouldn't recognize their former, earth bourne selves if it confronted them in their in-home day spas. Let's just hope that Beyonce is never in the same building as Celene Dion; she can smell weakness, and the battle will be a messy one. Actually, we're pretty scared. And to think: we used to worry about Oprah...

More Instructional Videos... Less Sense...

Perhaps you'll remember a couple of weeks back when we originally posted the Japanese instructional video set to a few chicks doing aerobics and practicing ludicrous phrases such as "I was robbed by two men", and my personal favorite, "Spare me my life". If you're in need of a refresher, you can watch it here. Well, we've located another video in the same vain with what appears to be the same chicks, except there are new, more appropriate phrases such as "Call an ambulance please". And that's not a lie. Now, we're not entirely sure what the fixation with danger and misfortune here is, but we've said it before and we'll say it again, the only things we've ever heard Japanese people talk about are taking pictures of each other and watching pornography. And maybe the occasional reference to sushi. But that's it.

Please Remain Anonymous If You Watch This Show...

You know sometimes when somebody is talking and all you keep getting are images in your head of you slowly dismounting your chair, grabbing the legs of it and then viscously beating your conversation partner until they realize what stupidity is coming out of their mouth? You know how sometimes that happens? Yeah, we get that too... Anyway, we're not sure who actually watches this shit because after this clip that we reluctantly sat through, we are measurably dumber, and in fact, drooling on the keyboard as we type this. How is it possible that this show is still on? We're convinced at this point that if one of those women climbed up and defecated on the middle of the table that she would still draw cheers. Look, we understand that women are looking for loudmouths that go overboard as a way to somehow signal the emergence of a woman's opinion within the general consensus, but for ONCE, just ONCE can it not be some retard who is ignorant and proud of it? We say this for your own long-term credibility. We hardly think Rosie O'Donnell represents the opinion of the intelligent.

I Enjoy Violent PSA's More Than I Care About Them...

In honor of the ten year anniversary of the signing of the UN anti-land mine treaty, we have posted a PSA from the UN speaking of how it is still very important to eradicate land mines throughout the world. Now, we're sure that's a very respectable mission and all and we'd love to help if we weren't already busy laughing at the misfortunes of others, but let's be serious. We all know that land mines only hurt little poor black kids and Palestinians who have wandered too far from their rubble shack. Like seriously...

"No... I'd love to kiss you but I'm just getting over a cold sore... you understand..."

Are we the only people that remember the show "Knots Landing"? That piece of shit that was on before "Top Cops" when we were like, ten years old? Maybe eleven. We actually can't really remember. Anyway... it's not the point. The point is that if anybody is interested in what happens to somebody when they meet a Toxic Crusader at a party for expired Hollywood Z-listers and blow him in the coat room, here's the result. Just don't. Jesus do NOT... some people need to be told everything.